


with all my heart

by thewonderzebra



Series: owner of a broken heart [1]
Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Surgery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:40:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22931143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewonderzebra/pseuds/thewonderzebra
Summary: Set in the 2017-18 season when Charlie had a heart procedure done to treat his heart issues. Matt is by his side every step of the way.
Relationships: Matt Grzelcyk/Charlie McAvoy
Series: owner of a broken heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1648105
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	with all my heart

When Charlie begins feeling his heart fluttering during practice, it isn't long before he is pulled aside by the medical staff and sent to the hospital. For the record, Charlie hates hospitals. He hates the poking and prodding, he hates being rushed around for tests that he doesn't understand. He hates how cold and sterile the environment feels, and he hates knowing that bad news is coming. 

Luckily, Matt is by his side. The hospital is still cold and sterile and busy and overwhelming, but Charlie is not alone. His boyfriend holds his hand during each test, distracts him by talking about everything and nothing. Even during the waiting period before the doctor comes with results, Matt stays by Charlie's side...and Charlie is so incredibly grateful, because there is no way he would put himself through this testing alone. 

Matt is there when the doctor comes in, delivering bad news. Charlie has an abnormal heart rhythm, and needs an ablation surgery--a mini maze surgery, it was called. Charlie's face falls, and Matt stays by his side, holding his hand. He reminds Charlie to breathe while the doctor tells him his surgery date and gives him his restriction guidelines.

When the doctor leaves the room, Charlie collapses on himself, his head in his hands. All that is going through his mind is the prospect of heart surgery. How did he go from a healthy hockey player to needing heart surgery in the span of a day. He knows he's going to miss time on ice, even though he's been promised his recovery time would be short. He feels like he's letting his team down--but most of all he feels like he's letting Matt down. And he's scared. 

As tears begin to well in Charlie's eyes, Matt wraps his arms around him, forcing him to straighten his posture and lean against his boyfriend's chest. 

"I'm here," Matt reminds, leaning in to kiss Charlie's temple. "Just breathe, babe. It's okay."

Charlie tries to inhale deeply, but it catches audibly in his chest. He shakes his head, and leans forward to nestles his face in the crook of Matt's neck. Matt tightens his arms around Charlie's frame, and Charlie grasps onto Matt's sweatshirt like a lifeline. 

"I'm so sorry," he says through sobs. "I can't play and I'm letting you down."

Matt's heart breaks for the brokenness in his boyfriend's voice. He kisses Charlie's temple once more. 

"That's not true," he murmurs. "You're not letting me down at all. You're not letting anyone down by having surgery, baby. I promise. I just want you to have the surgery so you can feel better." 

Charlie sniffles as he tries to control his sobbing, but nods in understanding against Matt's neck. Rationally, he knows that his boyfriend and his teammates are more worried about Charlie getting healthy than they are about him missing time on ice. But that anxiety clears away to be quickly replaced with the harsh reality of having heart surgery (no matter how minimally invasive the surgery may be)...and that reality escalates into fear. 

"Matty, I'm scared," Charlie whispers. His body involuntarily begins to shake harder than before, and tears begin flowing more freely from his eyes, splashing onto Matt's collarbone and soaking into his sweatshirt. Thankfully, Matt doesn't seem to mind.

"I know, Charlie," Matt says softly, trying to hide his own nervousness at seeing his boyfriend go through surgery. "I don't blame you. But you'll do great, and I'll be with you every step of the way."

  
  


Sniffling, Charlie lifts his head from Matt's shoulder. "Promise?" He asks ever so softly. The innocence in his voice breaks Matt's heart. 

Matt nods. He reaches up and carefully brushes tears away from Charlie's eyes and cheeks. "I promise," he affirms. "Now, let's get out of here, yeah?"

*

*

*

In the days leading up to Charlie's surgery, Matt does everything possible to prepare while simultaneously keeping his boyfriend distracted. They go grocery shopping and stock the apartment with Charlie's favorite snacks, and ingredients for his favorite meals. Charlie adds shows and movies to all his and Matt's streaming services, and Matt changes the sheets on their bed to flannel ones--Charlie's favorite. Charlie makes sure to tell Matt how much he loves him at every opportunity, and Matt makes sure to do the same. 

The night before surgery, Matt and Charlie get in bed earlier than usual, since they are due to report to the hospital early in the morning, and since they both know they're in for a taxing day. Unfortunately, sleep does not come easily for Charlie. He tosses and turns, thinking about every possible outcome and unable to get comfortable. He tries his hardest not to disturb Matt, knowing that Matt is going to have a long day the next day as well. 

Of course, Charlie is ludicrous to think that his boyfriend won't know that something is wrong. Matt stirs in the midst of Charlie's shifting, and moves closer to him. He wraps his arms around Charlie and pulls him close, kissing the side of his head gently.

"Close your eyes, Charlie," Matt murmurs, his voice heavy with sleep. "You need to sleep."

Charlie breathes in Matt's familiar scent, tries to close his eyes and breathe. But the desire to toss and turn is overwhelming. He shakes his head, hoping Matt can feel the motion, and makes a noise in the negative. 

"I can't," he replies. "I'm scared, Matty."

It is in that moment that Matt becomes wholly awake. He entwines his legs with Charlie's, and keeps his arms wrapped tightly around him for comfort. As much as he wishes he could take Charlie's stress away, he knows that task is not one that would be successful. So, he settles for pressing another kiss to his boyfriend's temple. 

"I know, baby," Matt says softly. "I know you are. But everything is going to be okay, I promise. Just breathe with me, and try to relax, okay? Not sleeping isn't going to help."

Charlie does his best to do what Matt is telling him. He tries to focus on his breathing, tries to will his muscles to relax. He listens to Matt's voice, feels his boyfriend's arms around his body, protecting him. And though his restless mind compels him to be nervous, drawing comfort from Matt takes precedence...he isn't sure when, but at some point, Matt finally coaxes him to sleep. 

*

*

*

Although Charlie sleeps (with coaxing from Matt), he does not rest. He remains hyper-alert, jumpy, and nervous even in a state of semiconsciousness. So, when Matt runs a hand up and down Charlie's spine and kisses his forehead softly to wake him, Charlie opens his eyes instantly. Matt seems taken aback to be met with his boyfriend's gaze so quickly--and with Charlie's propensity for sleeping in, he has every right to be--but gives Charlie a smile nonetheless. 

"Hi love," Matt murmurs. In that moment, Charlie realizes that no matter how anxious or distressed he is, Matt's smile and loving nicknames will never fail to give him butterflies. 

"Hey babe," he replies. He tries to muster a smile that doesn't falter. Somehow, though, he knows that Matt can see right through any facade he puts up. Such seems to be the case now. 

Matt reaches out and cups Charlie's face, stroking his cheek with the pad of his thumb. "You don't have to pretend to be happy, Charlie," he says. "I know you're scared."

Charlie sighs shakily, and leans into Matt's touch. "I can't do this, Matt," he whispers. "I don't want to be scared of this, but I am. I just want to hide and pretend none of this is happening."

"I know," Matt replies. "But just remember what I said last night. I'll be with you every step of the way, so you don't have to go at this alone. It doesn't sound like much, but it's all I've got."

Charlie shakes his head in protest. "It's everything," he says. "Honestly. I couldn't do this without you."

Matt leans in and kisses Charlie softly. "Well, that's a relief," he murmurs against his boyfriend's lips. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Matty," Charlie replies. 

After a few minutes of Matt just holding and kissing him, Charlie finally begins to relax, his muscles loosening tangibly. Matt pulls away slightly, just so he can read Charlie's facial expression. When he sees a determined sort of resignation, he kisses Charlie's forehead. "You ready?" He asks. 

Charlie nods. "Ready as I'll ever be," he replies.

Matt kisses Charlie once more before rolling out of bed, Charlie following suit. Matt pulls on a sweatshirt and jeans, while Charlie elects to wear sweatpants. Charlie encourages Matt to eat before they leave, but Matt insists that if Charlie can't eat, then he won't torture him, instead opting to eat at the hospital once Charlie has been brought to the operating room.

Driving to the hospital, Matt only keeps one hand on the wheel. The other, he reaches across the center console to settle on Charlie's thigh. If Matt minds when Charlie laces his fingers through his and squeezes tightly, he says nothing. Instead, he brings their hands upward so he can brush his lips across Charlie's knuckles. Speaking is obsolete; they instead listen to music while Matt calms Charlie's nerves just by being present and holding his hand. 

*

*

*

Charlie's surgery is one of the first procedures of the day, so when he and Matt arrive at the hospital, they are brought back to a pre-op bay almost immediately. Charlie changes into (and grumbles about) a hospital gown, and Matt folds his clothes before placing them in a belongings bag. He lays down on the bed, and Matt pulls a blanket over him before sitting in the chair at his bedside, and reaching for Charlie's hand once more.

The pre-op nurse comes in a few minutes later to check Charlie's vitals, review the procedure, and start an IV. Charlie flinches as the IV is placed in his arm, but a kiss from Matt is able to distract him. Once the line is in, the nurse administers pre-surgery medications--one of which is an anti-anxiety medication--before leaving the room. Matt doesn't know how the nurse could tell Charlie was anxious, but he is grateful she could. 

Matt knows when the anti-anxiety drug takes effect, because Charlie's eyes glaze over, and his body all but melts into the gurney. Charlie turns his head to the side and gives Matt a dopey smile. Matt has to bite his tongue sharply to keep himself from laughing at how ridiculous he looks. 

"Feelin' good there, Charlie?" Matt asks, grinning back at his boyfriend. Considering how somber the morning's mood had been, he feels thrilled that, thanks to the medicine, Charlie feels good enough for banter. 

Charlie nods, and it is a long, slow action. "I feel  _ so _ good, Matty," he says. "Feels like I'm flying."

Matt laughs softly, and pulls his chair close enough so as to brush a stray lock of Charlie's hair from his face. "That's better than being nervous," he murmurs, and kisses Charlie's cheek. "Enjoy that feeling, my love."

At that, Charlie's face lights up. "I love when you call me that, Matty," he tells him loopily. "It sounds so good when you say it."

"I'm glad," Matt answers. "I'll definitely keep saying it, then."

Charlie stares at Matt, blinking slowly and occasionally, and appearing to contemplate something. Matt has to resist laughing at how intense yet vacant Charlie's gaze is. It doesn't take long to figure out that Charlie is extremely responsive to the anti-anxiety medication, and is therefore very chatty. As such, Matt knows that his boyfriend is contemplating what to say next. 

"You're so fucking  _ pretty _ , Matt," Charlie says emphatically. "I don't tell you that enough. But you're so pretty all the fucking time...I just want to look at you all day, you know?"

Matt feels his face grow hot. Though it isn't the first time Charlie has called him pretty, there's something about the way he says it that throws Matt for a loop. It is certainly not a bad thing, but then again, Matt has never been one to take a compliment without some semblance of embarrassment--even when it is his other half complimenting him. Before he can formulate a verbal response, though, Charlie beats him to it. 

"You're even prettier when you blush," he babbles. "You look like you do when I make you come. You blush then, too."

Charlie opens his mouth to say more, but he is interrupted by Matt putting a finger over his lips. "Shh, Charlie," he shushes. He hasn't been Charlie's captain for a few years, but he still knows how to utilize a stern voice when necessary. "We don't need to talk about that right now. Just lay quietly."

Matt sits in contented silence with Charlie for several minutes, holding his hand and leaning in occasionally to kiss his forehead. As much as he has bantered with his boyfriend, Matt can't deny that he is nervous; he hasn't wanted to alarm Charlie, so he has been careful to keep the mood as light as possible. His nerves are only escalated by the OR team coming into the pre-op bay to bring Charlie back to surgery.

Upon standing from his chair, Matt leans in and kisses Charlie softly. "I love you so much, Charlie McAvoy," he murmurs, trying to keep his voice even. "Be good. I'll see you in a few hours, okay?" 

Charlie looks up at Matt and nods. "I will," he promises, seeming far more relaxed than he had upon arriving at the hospital. (Matt knows the medicines are working well). "I love you too, Matty."

After one more kiss, the medical team wheels Charlie back to the operating room. The only thing that keeps Matt from breaking down is one of the pre-op nurses handing him a pager, with which the surgical team will communicate updates about Charlie's progress. He is escorted back to the waiting room, and told that he will get an update soon. 

What gives Matt pause, however, is the nurse informing him that he won't be able to see Charlie right when he wakes up. Given Charlie's anxiety and clinginess to Matt in the last several days, Matt suspects that waking up alone and in pain is not going to go down well with his boyfriend. He explains as much, but the nurse rolls her eyes and tells Matt to stay put. Not wanting to cause a scene, he does what he is told, albeit begrudgingly. 

As he waits, Matt tries multiple methods of distraction. He listens to music, tries to read a book, and watches an episode of a show he likes. He even goes down to the cafeteria to try and eat something, though he really isn't hungry. But, he finds that he can't concentrate on any of these activities. His mind just keeps coming back to Charlie, being scared, being unconscious, being cut open. It physically hurts him to think about, but anything he tries to distract himself with is unsuccessful.

Matt receives several alerts on the pager. Each page informs him of the surgeon's progress, and each buzz of the pager makes Matt's stomach flip nervously. He gets alerted about each medication change, every incision made, and every procedural step. None of the pages tell Matt that Charlie is in the clear, though, and that keeps him on edge. 

Finally, after several hours of waiting, Matt's phone rings. Charlie's nurse is on the other line, informing Matt that Charlie's surgery is over, and went well. Charlie is on his way to the recovery room, and Matt can see him soon. Matt asks once more when that will be, but doesn't get a straight answer. So, he hangs up, and sits back down, resigning himself to wait even more.

After about half an hour of waiting, a nurse comes running into the waiting room, calling Matt's name frantically. Matt stands up, grabs his belongings, and rushes after her. As they head toward the recovery room, Matt has half a thought to ask what's going on, when suddenly, he hears it...the unmistakable sound of Charlie yelling for him. Matt makes eye contact with the nurse leading him to his boyfriend, and raises an eyebrow in an "I told you so" look.

"How long has this been going on?" he asks. 

The nurse shrugs. "Since he woke up in recovery. He's been asking for you and he keeps ripping the monitors off. Normally we'd wait a little longer to bring back visitors, but we're worried he's going to rip out his IV, too." They round the corner, and the nurse leads Matt to a recovery room. 

It doesn't take long for Matt to find where Charlie is. Matt can hear Charlie screaming his name, and follows the sound of his voice. Matt sees several nurses holding onto Charlie, trying (and failing) to coax him to get back into bed. Charlie, meanwhile, is haphazardly tearing at every tube and wire he can find, despite being visibly groggy and unstable on his feet. 

Matt rushes forward, placing his belongings next to the chair at Charlie's bedside before coming to stand in front of his boyfriend. "Hey, hey, hey, Charlie," he murmurs, grabbing onto Charlie's hands. "Relax, love. You need to lay down and rest, okay?"

Charlie pauses, still looking mildly disoriented. His face lights up in recognition of Matt, though. "Matty," he calls. "You're here."

"I'm here, babe," Matt replies, nodding. "I'm right here." Instinctively, he wraps an arm around Charlie's waist, doing his best to support his boyfriend's weight. Simultaneously, he works to put pressure on Charlie's frame and guide him to the bed. 

Finally, Charlie collapses back onto his bed, with Matt at his side. This allows the nurses to reattach all the leads and wires that Charlie had ripped off. The nurses also raise both rails on the bed, in an attempt to keep their patient in place. Matt simply holds his boyfriend's hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb and silently assuring Charlie that it's okay for him to relax and be compliant. 

When the nurses have scattered, and it is just Charlie and Matt, Charlie gazes up at Matt with wide eyes. Matt squeezes his hand, and leans over the railing to kiss him softly. "I thought I told you to be good," he says teasingly. "And you caused a scene." Charlie smiles absently in response before closing his eyes, and Matt knows that his boyfriend won't remember a thing about this day tomorrow. 

After some time passes with nothing but peaceful silence, Charlie opens his eyes once more. This time, Matt can see a flicker of fear in Charlie's eyes, and he wants nothing more than to make that look go away. "What's wrong, Charlie?" He asks, reaching forward to cup his cheek.

"Don't leave me, Matty," Charlie blurts out. His voice is raspy from being intubated (and screaming), but his words are clear. He reaches his hand up to his face and covers Matt's hand with his own, gripping as hard as he can. Matt flinches slightly from how hard and sudden Charlie's grip is, but doesn't move away. 

"I'm not going anywhere," he promises, smiling softly down at his boyfriend. 

Still, Charlie shakes his head. "No, I don't mean right now," he insists. "I just...I don't want you to leave me because of my heart."

Matt's own heart practically shatters at the anxiousness in Charlie's voice. "Never," he assures. "I love you, Charlie McAvoy. That means I'm not going anywhere, ever. I promise."

Thankfully, Charlie's muscles relax at his boyfriend's assurance. Matt brushes Charlie's hair away from his eyes, and leans in to kiss him. All the while, he formulates a plan to make sure Charlie never forgets his dedication. 

Matt shifts in his chair with the intention of fishing out his book while Charlie recovers from the anesthesia. However, Charlie's head falls to the side, and his gaze focuses on Matt. "What's up, babe?" Matt asks. 

"Come lay with me, Matty," Charlie beckons, patting the bed haphazardly. "My chest hurts and I just want you to hold me."

"I can lay with you when we get home," Matt reasons. "There's not enough room here." As he talks, he squeezes Charlie's hand, and simultaneously presses the call button to indicate that his boyfriend is in pain. 

Charlie begins shifting anxiously, moving toward the farthest edge of the bed. He looks pleadingly up at Matt, and tugs on his arm. "Please, Matt," he begs. "I can move over, I promise."

Matt wants to be firm. He wants to make Charlie see reason. But he can't. Charlie looks so small and weak, and considering he easily could have succumbed to his heart anomaly, Matt knows damn well that his boyfriend is going to get whatever he wants. 

Sighing, Matt leans forward and lowers the side rail on Charlie's bed. He delicately climbs onto the bed, trying to wrap his frame around his boyfriend's without jostling him too much. It takes a bit of shuffling and adjusting for them both to get comfortable, but they finally settle, with Charlie laying up against Matt's chest. Matt keeps his arms around Charlie's frame, being careful to avoid brushing up against his incisions; Charlie relaxes instantly in Matt's arms, content at last. 

"How's that, my love?" Matt murmurs in Charlie's ear, kissing his temple gently. "Better?"

Charlie nods, tilting his head back. "So good, baby," he replies. "So much better."

A nurse comes in shortly after Matt and Charlie get settled. She gives Charlie another dose of pain medication, and brings him a cup of cranberry juice. She also tells Matt that if Charlie tolerates the pain medication, he can be discharged within the coming hours. When the nurse leaves, the pain medication sets in, and Charlie falls asleep in Matt's arms. Matt worries briefly about how he will get up if he needs to retrieve something or go to the bathroom, but he decides that is a problem for later; right now, he is content to let Charlie rest. 

*

*

*

Thankfully, there are no complications or further incidents after Charlie is given his pain medication. When he starts to stir again, Matt kisses his temple and whispers in his ear to ease him into waking up. The nurse comes back into the room shortly after, with a wheelchair, Charlie's discharge paperwork, and Charlie's prescriptions for him to take at home. Matt carefully extracts himself from behind Charlie, allowing the nurse to take Charlie's IV out and heart monitors off while she reviews Charlie's discharge instructions. 

Once Matt signs Charlie's release paperwork, the nurse gives the all clear for them to leave the hospital. Charlie is still groggy, and complains to Matt about the discomfort in his chest. Matt tells him that he can have another dose of pain medication at home, and helps him first to his feet, then into the wheelchair. At this, Charlie protests, insisting that he can walk to the car, but Matt is having none of it. He simply pushes the wheelchair out of the recovery room, and in the direction of the car. 

Charlie clutches a pillow to the incisions on his chest when Matt settles him in the car. He whines softly when the seatbelt puts pressure on his wounds, and Matt does his best to soothe him by kissing his cheek. Charlie's discomfort also prompts Matt to drive more slowly and cautiously than usual, not wanting to take any unnecessary risks in the thick of Boston traffic. 

As they drive home, Charlie slumps sideways in the passenger seat, leaning his arm heavily on the center console. Matt puts his arm on the console too, and links his fingers through Charlie's. Just as he had driven to the hospital, Matt drives home with one hand on the steering wheel, the other offering Charlie quiet comfort. 

Charlie is in pain and nauseous when they finally make it to their apartment. So, Matt helps him into bed, and offers him a dose of both pain and anti-nausea medications. Charlie is still as clingy as he was in the hospital, so Matt abides by his promise to lay with him. He quickly changes into pajamas and grabs Charlie an ice pack to keep on his chest before crawling into bed beside him. 

It takes mere moments for Charlie to roll into Matt's arms and settle there. He whimpers softly at the pulling pain he feels on his incisions, but Matt soothes him with gentle kisses to his forehead. Charlie lays his head on Matt's chest, clutching onto his sweatshirt tightly as he tries to breathe in time with his boyfriend. Eventually, the drugs and the stress of surgery begin to overwhelm Charlie, and he feels the fingers of sleep pulling him in. 

Just as Matt anticipates Charlie falling fully asleep, his boyfriend jerks suddenly in his arms. Charlie lets out a tortured cry, and Matt is immediately put on alert. He forces himself not to flinch so as to avoid jostling Charlie, instead keeping his arms tight around Charlie’s frame. He moves his hands gently, massaging Charlie’s muscles soothingly.

“Shh, Charlie,” Matt soothes. “It’s okay.” He expects his boyfriend to be in pain, so he is ready to comfort him in any way he can. What he doesn’t expect, is what comes out of Charlie’s mouth next. 

“Matty,” Charlie wails. “Please don’t leave me. Please. I don’t want you to leave me.” 

When this conversation was brought up at the hospital, Matt thought he had sufficiently assured his boyfriend. However, in the moment, Charlie sounds far more panicked than he had in the hospital, and Matt knows he needs to plan something significant to reassure Charlie of his dedication. For now, though, all he has is his words. 

“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” Matt murmurs in Charlie’s ear. He kisses his temple, and bows his head to kiss his jaw. “See? I’m right here. There’s nothing that’s going to make me leave you, I promise.” 

Charlie whimpers and burrows his face insistently into Matt’s collarbone. Matt can feel hot tears splashing against his skin, and he feels like his heart is shattering into a million pieces. He continues to murmur comforting words in Charlie’s ear, punctuating his words with kisses and gently massaging the area around his incision until finally, Charlie falls asleep. 

When Matt is sure Charlie is sound asleep, he mentally concocts a plan to ensure his boyfriend doesn’t ever again doubt his commitment. When his plans are concrete, he scrolls through his phone until he highlights Jake’s contact information. He knows he needs to enlist help to keep Charlie’s anxiety at a minimum while also ensuring that he is safe during his recovery period. Thankfully, Jake picks up on the first ring. 

“Gryzzy,” Jake greets enthusiastically. “What’s up? How’s the patient?” 

Matt chuckles softly at his friend’s enthusiasm. “Hey JD,” he replies. “Not much. He’s doing okay...but I could use your help with something, if you’re up for it.” 

*

*

*

Sometime in the middle of the night, Matt wakes up to the sound of gagging. He surveys his surroundings and finds Charlie curled up in a ball at the edge of the bed, his injured chest heaving violently. Without needing to ask what’s going on, Matt jumps out of bed and sprints to the bathroom, returning quickly with a lined trash bin. He helps Charlie sit up, once again being mindful of his incisions. He then perches at Charlie’s side, holding his frame up and rubbing his back gently while Charlie retches.

When Charlie has emptied the contents of his stomach, he slumps over, his skin coated in a cold sweat and muscles shaking from exhaustion. Matt guides him onto his back and tucks him back into bed, brushing hair from his forehead and pressing a kiss there. “Take it easy, baby,” he murmurs as Charlie whimpers and grasps at Matt’s arms. “I’ve gotcha.” 

Matt lays beside Charlie for several minutes, stroking his forehead and letting him calm down some. Eventually, though, he breaches the subject of getting up; while Charlie is reluctant to let his boyfriend out of his sight, he agrees that it is in his best interest. So, Matt takes the time to clean the trash bin, as well as retrieve a bottle of Gatorade, a glass of ginger ale, an ice pack, and another dose of Charlie’s medications. 

Charlie is still trembling and whimpering softly once Matt returns, and Matt can feel his chest ache for his boyfriend. He comes to Charlie’s side of the bed, sets the Gatorade down on the bedside table, and situates the ice pack over Charlie’s incision, keeping the cup of ginger ale and the medication in his hands. Not wanting to push Charlie’s body any more than necessary, Matt asks him to open his mouth; though he appears bewildered, Charlie does as asked. 

Matt places the pills on Charlie’s tongue, then brings the cup of ginger ale to his lips, tilting just enough for Charlie to sip at it. Charlie swallows his medicine, and proceeds to gulp down a significant amount of liquid, as well. After a few moments, however, Matt intervenes.

“Whoa there, fishy,” Matt says teasingly. “Slow down. I don’t want you to throw it up again or choke.” 

Appearing appropriately sheepish, Charlie lays back against his pillows, and Matt sets the cup on the bedside table. “If you need it later, it’s there, okay?” he says. He leans down and kisses Charlie’s lips softly, not caring a bit that his boyfriend isn’t exactly smelling like roses. Matt then returns to his side of the bed, and crawls under the covers. 

Wordlessly, he opens his arms, and wordlessly, Charlie makes his way to Matt. Matt holds him close, and puts a warm hand over his clammy incision site, his other arm wrapped tightly around Charlie’s waist. Charlie sniffles a bit, his body shaking, and Matt kisses his head and shushes him, encouraging him not to cry, as it will make the pain worse. 

“I’m so sorry, Matty,” Charlie mumbles into Matt’s collarbone. His voice is quiet and hesitant, devoid of pleasant emotion, and it is haunting. 

“For what, Charlie?” Matt replies. “You haven’t done anything wrong.” 

Charlie sighs resignedly. “I feel bad for making you take care of me,” he explains. “You haven’t slept well for two nights because of me, and you’ve been doing everything for me. I feel like a burden and I’m so sorry.” 

Once again, Matt feels like his heart is shattering into a million pieces. “Charlie, no,” he protests. “You’re not a burden at all. I  _ want _ to take care of you. I couldn’t give a shit about sleep right now. All that matters to me is that you’re alive and you’re safe, and you’re being taken care of.” 

Charlie lifts his head from Matt’s chest to look his boyfriend in the eyes. When all he sees is loving concern and blatant honesty, he collapses on Matt’s chest once more. “I don’t know how I would do this without you,” he whispers. “I love you, Matt.” 

“I love you, too,” Matt murmurs in reply. “Thankfully, you won’t have to find out. Now, close your eyes and get some rest. You’ve had a long day.” 

There is no protesting from Charlie at Matt’s suggestion. So, Matt holds his boyfriend close, and closes his eyes. They both drift off to sleep shortly after. 

*

*

*

The next morning, Matt wakes up before Charlie, as per usual. He makes Charlie breakfast and brings it to him in bed, along with pain medication and ice. He instructs him to eat slowly and sip on his Gatorade, and proceeds to get ready to leave for practice while Charlie does so. He cleans up from breakfast before he leaves, and makes sure his boyfriend is situated with the TV remote, his cellphone, an extra dose of medication (in case he comes home late), and another bottle of Gatorade. Matt kisses Charlie goodbye, and promises he will be home as soon as he can; Charlie, meanwhile, is visibly anxious by Matt’s departure, but lets him leave for practice without a fight. 

Once practice is over, Matt checks in with Jake and gives him a spare key to let himself into the apartment. He instructs Jake to ensure Charlie is drinking enough, eating slowly, and taking his medication on time. He also advises that Jake coax Charlie into taking a nap, if he is not already asleep. (Matt is vaguely aware that he sounds like a hypervigilant mother, but he doesn’t care). Jake agrees to do so, and enlists Anders to join him for company’s sake...Matt certainly doesn’t mind, as he suspects having company may keep Charlie’s mind at ease. 

Finally, the team parts ways, and Matt heads out on his errand. Along the way, he makes sure he has the paper in his pocket which displays the pattern of Charlie’s EKG. Charlie had drily suggested before his surgery that the paper get burned so he didn’t have the reminder that his heart was “broken”. However, after he had expressed his worry over Matt leaving him due to the irregularity, Matt knew that the paper would have its time to shine. Matt smiles to himself as he steps into the tattoo shop, knowing that said time was now. 

*

*

*

When Matt returns home, he is surprised to find Jake and Anders in the living room, playing Xbox. He greets them, and gets comfortable before peering down the hallway to see the bedroom door closed. Considering how anxious Charlie had been when Matt left for practice that morning, Matt is surprised that his boyfriend is alone, in their bedroom. 

“Is Charlie sleeping?” Matt asks his friends incredulously. 

Jake and Anders both nod enthusiastically. “Yep,” Jake answers. “He was awake for a bit when we got here, but he was acting kind of tired, so we convinced him to take a nap.” 

This answer sparks Matt’s curiosity. “How?” he wonders. “He’s been terrified that I’m going to leave him if he falls asleep.”

“We know,” Jake answers. “He would doze off and then wake up asking for you.” 

“So,” Anders chimes in. “We told him that you would be home faster if he fell asleep. Totally logical, given the circumstances.”

Matt shakes his head, laughing softly. “Toddler logic,” he reasons. “But hey. If it works, then it works. And I’m glad I could convince you to sit with him.” 

After a few more minutes of casual conversation, and Matt showing his friends his new artwork, Jake and Anders head out. Matt then quietly makes his way to the bedroom, where Charlie is sleeping soundly, the TV playing idly on in the background. Matt stands in the doorway for a moment, just admiring his boyfriend’s sleeping form. Then, he changes into sweatpants and makes his way to the bedside. 

Matt puts a hand on Charlie’s shoulder, and leans over to kiss Charlie’s cheek, then his lips. “Hey, babe,” he whispers. “I’m home.” 

Charlie stirs briefly, groaning something unintelligible. Then, Matt’s voice seems to register in his brain, and his eyes flash open. “Matty,” he says, voice heavy with the remnants of sleep. “You’re back.” 

In return, Matt smiles, and comes to sit in bed next to Charlie. “I’m back,” he confirms. “And I have a surprise for you.” 

At this, Charlie’s interest piques. He rolls toward his boyfriend as quickly as his sore body will allow, and gazes up at him expectantly. “Oh?” he says. “What kind of surprise?” 

Without an immediate verbal response, Matt rolls up his left sleeve. He holds his left wrist out, displaying his newest inked design to his boyfriend. “This surprise,” he says, and watches as Charlie fixates his gaze on his arm. 

Slowly, Charlie reaches forward and traces the inked lines on Matt’s skin, careful not to press or scrape too hard. The sensation tickles, but Matt resists the urge to yank his arm away. Instead, he focuses on Charlie focusing on his wrist. 

“Matt,” Charlie whispers. “Is that…?” His voice trails off, and he looks up at Matt with glassy eyes. 

“Your abnormal heart rhythm?” Matt says, completing Charlie’s thought. “Yep. I had it traced from the paper copy of your EKG that the hospital gave me. You know, the one you wanted to burn.” Charlie’s face flushes bright red at that. Matt smiles down at him. 

“I know you were worried about me leaving you or loving you less because of your heart,” he continues. “I wanted some way to prove to you that your “broken” heart is mine, and that I’m not going anywhere. So I got this.” Matt feels his own cheeks grow hot as he trails off, waiting for Charlie’s response.    
  


Though Charlie is heavily medicated and still somewhat sleepy, the look of adoration and astonishment that crosses his features is perfectly clear. “I don’t know what to say,” he says, voice barely above a whisper. “This is amazing, Matty. I can’t believe you would do that for me.” 

Matt positively beams. “I’m glad you like it,” he replies. He pulls the blankets on the bed back enough to slip under them, and wraps his arms carefully around Charlie. Charlie offers no resistance, sidling up to Matt and melting into his arms. Matt kisses him, and Charlie is all too happy to finally relax, no longer on edge about the topic of Matt leaving; the small gesture of the ink on Matt’s skin puts the thought out of his mind, and he is reassured that his boyfriend is with him for the long-haul. For the first time in days, Charlie sleeps, and actually rests, with Matt by his side.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you for reading! Feel free to leave a comment or question, if you so choose. I thrive off both. ;) Also, I'm on Tumblr @thewonderzebra if anyone wants to come talk to me about hockey and writing there.


End file.
